Armed Wild Chickens Sighted in Upcountry Maui

Upcountry Maui residents are perplexed by what they say are wild chickens roaming around with what appeared to be human appendages.

“I had to give a double take the other day, because I thought I saw a chicken giving me a double-fisted thumbs-up,” said Josephine Huikau of Makawao. “Sometimes chickens can seem human-like when they stop and look at you. I know what I saw, and it was tiny human hands. I was tempted to throw a shaka back at it.”

Patrick Hihia of Kula took it further. “I swear I saw a chicken with buffed-out arms near Rice Park,” he said. “I stared and waited for it to say ‘Howzit?’ “

Both residents said they reported sightings to government agencies they believe oversee wild fowl on island. Huikau later returned to her site and snapped photos of chickens with arms, which she submitted to Maui Insight.

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State legislation directs the Hawaii Department of Agriculture, and local counties, with developing guidelines for mitigation of wild fowl.

However officials say in general, it is the responsibility of local private property owners to manage or eliminate pests or feral fowl on their lands. They are free to engage private pest services if they desire.

“As if we have don’t already have enough to deal with now, with the billions of geo-engineered mosquitoes someone is dumping onto east Maui every day,” said Christopher Kanalua, spokesman for the Maui office of the state Department of Agriculture. “The last thing we need on our plate is wild chickens with arms.”

County officials said they’ve heard of the reports, but are unsure what exactly they’re supposed to do about it.

Joseph Kuleana of the Maui County Council for Feral Animal Concerns and Engagement (FACE) suggests that, if confirmed, the appendaged fowl might be put to work for broad public benefit.

“For instance, maybe these chickens can be taught to grip hand-held traffic signs,” Kuleana said. “Then we can train them to hang out at each new speed hump on Maui, as yet another reminder for motorists to slow down.

“Of course, we’ll need a lot of armed chickens,” he said, “because now we have a heck of a lot of speed humps. I mean, a crapload, like every 50 feet.”

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Hihia of Kula supports putting the concept of armed chickens for public benefit.

“What if they could hold up signs at the end of Keokea to help stop visitors from driving the wrong way to Hana,” Hihia mused. “Signs to say “No Go, Bad Things Ahead.’ Something like that.”

What are your ideas to put armed feral chickens to good use?

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