Maui County Completes Speed Hump Lollapalooza; Chiropractors Rejoice

The County of Maui and Kahului Airport went on a speed bump and hump spree to close out 2025, an unprecedented lollapalooza of speed-slowing installations that has rocked the necks, spines, and rear ends of locals and visitors alike.

Chasing federal government infrastructure funds, the county installed an innumerable amount of the elongated speed humps on residential streets and some rural roads; and OGG expanded its speed-deterrent system atop its notorious speed bumps.

“It’s a wonderful time to be a chiropractor on Maui,” said Benjamin Ehaokekua, a spine pain specialist based in Makawao. “Especially if your office is near Haiku, where it seems like a giant roving machine burped out a speed hump every 200 feet or so. They are everywhere. Some seem to pop up overnight.”

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Other Maui businesses have reported booming sales and services, and they couldn’t determine a reason other than gas prices are down now that the country has ended its war on oil, allowing people to drive cars more.

But Darin Kekaulike of the Maui Wheel and Alignment Center in Wailuku noticed all the new speed humps on island and made the connection.

“We’re seeing multiple cars every day coming in for wheel alignments, or new or better shock absorbers,” Kekaulike said. “And luckily we also do upholstery, and we get to fix interior ceiling linings where people popped up and bonked their heads on the roof while going too fast over a speed bump, or had to clean or replace car seat upholstery for those unfortunate drivers who had full bladders when hitting a speed hump at 60.”

Brandon Nihohui of Kihei Dental said he noticed an uptick on customers with a chipped tooth or two. “I had to send one guy to the ER last week. He almost bit his tongue off after flying over an OGG speed bump,” he said.

County officials said the speed hump surge is due to a buttload of federal funds for infrastructure improvement projects, which they feared would evaporate at the end of 2024.

“The feds approved the Biden infrastructure bill which set about $1.2 trillion to modernizing infrastructure nationwide, with a big portion aimed at bridges, public transit, water pipes, and clean energy stuff ~ much of which we just don’t have on Maui,” said Harry Waiwai, director of economic development for the county. “We had to think outside the box to get federal dollars, and speed humps were fast, easy, and visible. To us, they indicate progress.”

Over at OGG, the airport long ago installed the worst-engineered and most-jarring speed bumps to slow down motorists entering the airport, and even added some before exits just for an exiting kick in the rear.

Yet, visiting drivers couldn’t seem to slow down, at least to speeds acceptable to airport bureaucrats. So, like the county, airport officials saw the infrastructure bill and got creative. They didn’t add more badly designed huge speed bumps, but they came up with new washboard-like mini-bump contraptions sure to annoy even more drivers.

“We like the new washboards,” said OGG spokeswoman Madeline Pahupahu. “Drivers may not be terribly fond of them, especially with so many gigantic speed bumps in between them, but we get slower vehicles and also the federal infrastructure reimbursement dollars. Win-win.”

Meanwhile, some Haiku residents started to collect signatures on a petition to protest all the new speed humps on county roadways. To support a moratorium on new speed humps in Maui County, click here.

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