ON MAUI: 10 Major Reductions to Expect this Summer Due to Inflation

Maui officials and businesses are bracing for an inflation-driven storm this summer by applying temporary reductions in services and popular attractions.

An informal survey conducted by Maui Insight over the past 2 weeks revealed the following, either current or coming changes to well-known attractions, eateries, or pastimes on the Valley Isle:

• Reduced rainbows. Expect the rainbows you see to be about half or less than usual, until gas and consumer prices go down. "The rainbows on Maui used to be so full and robust, but now ... that dang inflation!" said Jennette Cavalier of Kihei, who snapped a photo of a recent partial 'bow.
• Mama’s Fish-of-Filet House, repurposed for more affordable meals, to be renamed through Sept. 21.
• Road to Ha. Tour companies are promoting a new, only partial trek to Hana, due to record gas prices. “Gas prices about doubled from what they were last summer, so we figured, cut the road experience in half and we might still break even,” said Joseph McGwire of Mac's Hana Touring Co. based in Paia. The temp tours turn around at Mile Marker 17.COMING SOON: Royal Sham, which goes by the slogan "Hawai'i Punk Rock," is scheduled to play Fleetwood's in Lahaina soon.
• Punk bands. Because of extremely high costs due to record-breaking inflation, established eateries and entertainment venues are struggling to pay well-known acts, so they're turning to groups that will play for free beer: punk rock bands. Coming soon: Royal Sham to Fleetwood's in Lahaina, Those Guys at Da Playground in Maalaea, and ska punk heroes Dos Hombres at Cheeky's Bar & Grill in Kihei.
• Tiny Beach. Most everyone knows the Little Beach down Makena way, but due to inflation, for a few months it will be known as Tiny Beach. However some nature-loving visitors voiced displeasure with the change. "We were already self-conscious enough with everyone calling it 'little' beach. Now, 'Tiny Beach' is going way too far," said Ned Paramawore of San Francisco while sunbathing in his birthday suit on Wednesday. "Why not Humongous Beach?"IN DEMAND: A visitor rolls through Wailea on Wednesday on his modified solar scooter.
• Solar scooters. Visitors learned real fast that electricity is hardly more affordable than gasoline. Some already have modified the popular mode of transportation for Maui beach communities.
• Only 3 Sacred Pools will be open until school re-starts. “We aimed for half, but couldn’t figure out how to cut a pool in half so we just settled for 3,” said forest ranger Yogi Berry. Additionally, alert Maui Insight reader Robert Sargenti noticed this week that Venus Pond has been renamed Venus Puddle. "The economic impacts of this record inflation trickles down to all of us," he said. "I saw guys cutting their rock dives from the 40-foot platform down to the 15-footer. It's bad out there."
• The recommended speed for going over the infamously dangerous OGG speed bumps will be reduced to 0.5 mph until further notice. Veterans of driving through Kahului Airport say that's still too fast.A 1.5-HOUR TOUR?: Major cruise lines are racing to purchase old yachts, like this one dry-docked in Kahului Harbor, to refurbish into smaller cruise lines while the gigantic boats remain docked until prices go back to normal.
• Yacht cruises. Those massive cruise ships seen at Kahului Harbor have been docked until the touring companies can afford the fuel. Instead, cruise lines are racing to purchase old yachts they can find on-island, with hopes of quickly refurbishing them back into action.
• French Dude Bay. Because La Perouse is just too hard to spell, and calling it what it really is saves time, and time is money of course.

The county has announced that shortages of sage and Spam, due to too many yoga instructors on island, and the fearful hoarding of our favorite canned cooked pork, respectively, are expected to continue well into the fall.

County officials said the local government already had cut services by half starting in April 2020, but no one noticed.

“We figured that we would lead by example,” said Joe Hutchins of the county finance department. “After all, we’re all in this together, right?”