Hawaii Democratic Party Vows to Oppose More Choices After Failing to Keep RFK Jr. Off Ballot

The Democrat Party of Hawaii, fresh off its failure to keep Robert F. Kennedy Jr. off the state’s November ballot, has announced new ideas in its ongoing quest to combat more choices for Hawaiians.

State Democrats say they are as dedicated as ever to the cause despite the fact that now there will be at least three candidates for President on the fall ballot.

“Sure, we missed out on this golden opportunity to keep options for President at just two, which is our magic number, but we already have other great ideas to eliminate time-consuming choices in other areas of Hawaii,” said Bart Kekee, spokesperson for the state’s Democratic party.

After it was ruled on April 19 that the party had insufficient evidence to keep Kennedy's name off the November ballot, party leadership got really busy and developed a list of ways they can continue to thwart choice around the islands.

Party leaders so far have outlined a few areas of focus, including:

1. Get Jack in the Box to leave burger-selling in Hawaii to McDonald’s and Burger King.
2. Maui has three roundabouts. It’s one too many.
3. On Maui, force Kaiser Permanente to consolidate all its operations currently on the Wailuku-Kahului line, where two campuses in close proximity have confused patients for years.
4. Plug one of the two active volcanoes on the big Island of Hawaii. “C’mon, how many working volcanoes does one island need, anyway?” Kekee said.
5. There are way too many tall condominium buildings in Waikiki.
6. Eliminate the yellow caution light on traffic signals.
7. Only Toyotas and Nissans should be sold on islands.
8. At least 90% of the Toyotas and Nissans sold on islands should be trucks.

Kekee said a major problem his party faces is that there are too many Hawaiian islands that people can visit. Additionally, the local party apparatus to date has not been able to agree on how many genders exist in human beings.

“We’re working on it, but the number of islands and gender thing might be beyond our abilities,” Kekee said.

Meanwhile, the Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for President campaign continues work to get the candidate’s name on ballots in all 50 states, despite considerable energies from the Democratic National Committee to fight them every step of the way.

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