Governor Says Pick Up All Masks, or Emergency Proclamation Continues

The governor of Hawaii on Tuesday said state residents will remain under the same emergency rules that have existed for 2 years now, until all the masks tossed all over the place are picked up.

Gov. David Ige said the grounding will continue past the current March 25 proclamation expiration, until the islands are free of the mask litter.

"It's getting ridiculous out there," Ige said. "It's like after the last class on the last day of school when everyone runs out and tosses their folders into the air. The islands have been confetti'd with masks, and it's unacceptable."

Regional civil rights officials balked at the concept.

"What is this, 'Romper Room'?" asked Larry Kuokoa of Kihei, president of the fledgling Free Maui group which was organized to get the islands back to living normally after all the new rules related to the coronavirus pandemic. "First they said just finish 4 tiers, which we did, only to learn they actually had a 5th tier they never told us about. Who knows even what tier we're on now?

"Then to extend the emergency proclamation past March 25? The never-ending emergency proclamation was not legal in the first place."

Not all residents disagree with the governor's order, though.

"We do need to pick up all these masks," said Jeannette Winslow of Lahaina, picking up random discarded masks in the parking lot of that town's Safeway on Tuesday. "Many of the masks are brand new. It's like those half-a-million new masks finally arrived from Washington, D.C.,  just way too late, and end up tossed to the ground because everyone forgot there was a pandemic once World War III began in Ukraine."

Her son Barry, 12, said he is collecting them as part of a new school mural to celebrate our return to freedom.

"It's going to be massive, with all the masks we already have," Barry said. "I think we could fill a football stadium with them now, and we haven't really even started picking them up."

Meanwhile, the Locals USA brand of slippahs announced it has hired a team of scientists to figure out how to recycle all the masks into the company's new Slippah Phone model.

Just last month, state and county officials and businesses reported that masks had surpassed cigarette butts as the most-littered item on Maui.

At the time, Kai Billingham, manager at an XYZ Store in Kihei, said they had noticed a drop in mask sales the first month of 2022 as masks became easily accessible on the ground. “Not only do they have enough at home or work, in a pinch they just have to look down.”

Hans Guettnech of the Pacific Environmental Coalition, which studied discarded trash found around the Valley Isle, said he applauds Ige's push to get all the masks picked up.

"It's time we put this pandemic and mask mandates behind us," Guettnech said, "so we can focus on real issues like how the heck anyone could afford to live here with the record inflation and insane housing prices."