HECO Hires Obi-Wan Kenobi to Direct Communications Efforts Post-Fire


In a move to boost public confidence in wake of the Lahaina Fire catastrophe, Hawaiian Electric Company has hired Obi-Wan Kenobi to head its corporate communications efforts.

“In this time of grieving and recovery, it can be helpful to have an old, trusted soul to point everyone in the right direction,” said Shelee Kimura, president and chief executive officer for Hawaiian Electric. “Whether that means saying that these aren’t the sparks that caused the fire, or just helping out-of-towners spell Lahaina correctly, we believe Obi-Wan will be a true asset for us on the ground.”

The monopolistic, publicly owned utility has come under fire with allegations that its live downed power lines ignited a blaze that ultimately killed over 100 people, destroyed about 2,200 structures, and pretty much wiped Lahaina off maps.

Officials for HECO deny that the utility’s ancient infrastructure is to blame for the main blaze, which followed a brush fire earlier that day in which HECO accepts blame for.

“Yeah, sure, we got caught on video by a neighbor showing our hot downed lines igniting dry brush below,” Kenobi said. “But that’s not the fire you’re looking for. The second one was bigger! And there’s no video of our lines starting it.”

The second wildfire he refers to ignited from the embers of the first brush fire, which would make one assume that the same initial spark is to blame for both blazes and all the carnage.

“But those aren’t the sparks we’re looking for,” Kenobi said. “It could have been an immaculate combustion, an Act of God. Lightning. Space lasers. An errant morning barbecue spark off a Spam cut.

“Just because someone caught on video downed power lines touching dry grass and igniting a brush fire during very high winds does not mean that’s the cause you want.”

Then he interrupted, and said “There’s nothing to see here,” waving his hand out away from his body in a circular motion horizontal to the ground.

At that point all the news reporters left the media briefing to pursue other sparks of interest.

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