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Maui County officials are carefully monitoring what they believe to be a record number of Canadians visiting the Valley Isle.
While historically Maui has enjoyed plenty of visitors from the Great White North, the current influx is concerning, officials said.
“It’s like everyone got the same email saying NOW! We went from zero to like 75 mph in a month,” said Julian Ahoaho of the county visitors bureau. “We just hope to have enough Canadian bacon and beer to keep them happy.”
With all the news hype about insurrections in recent months, Maui police have ramped up staffing at places Canadians are known to congregate at, like Whole Foods or Target.
“We’ll have no goofballs wearing moose heads taking over Wailuku,” said Sgt. Peter Normaggio of MPD. “No dude in a Maple Leafs jersey sitting at Mayor Victorino’s desk.”
Local restaurant and service employees are alarmed since Canadians are known to be the worst tippers.
“Well, at least it’s better than the nothing we got from everyone in 2020 since the Mayor closed everything,” said Joan McAffrey, a waitress at Down the Hatch in Lahaina. “We’re all still broke from that.”
“We just wanted to go somewhere where stores actually had a selection of goods, since our prime minister pissed off all the truckers, so they all drive really slow now,” said Bob MacKenzie of Calgary. “Mauians in Canada be super ticked off since Spam hard to find.”
Replies
Deb Cunningham
Neighbor
10-26-2022 6:53am
Remember in 2008 when the Canadians came and helped your economy as your mainlanders weren't showing up?
canadians choosing Maui is a compliment of trusting it's a safe place to travel. Don't be so narrow minded we do not all own Moose Hats and we are not all Leaf fans. Be kind!
I disagree with this
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Deb Cunningham
Neighbor
10-26-2022 6:55am
Remember in 2008 when the Canadians came and helped your economy as your mainlanders weren't showing up?
Canadians choosing Maui is a compliment of trusting it's a safe place to travel. Don't be so narrow minded we do not all own Moose Hats and we are not all Leaf fans. Be kind!
Keith Jajko
Editor
1-16-2023 7:12pm
Thanks, Deb. Terribly sorry for such a delay in responding, but wanted to take a moment to explain that this site is entirely satire. No offense intended with this article, which is all made up. In fact, to the point, we write about visiting Canadians to celebrate them, because so very many do indeed visit the island! I was here during the darkest days of the pandemic lockdowns, and I can verify without doubt that we missed the Canadians sorely. Thanks for reading!
