SPECIAL REPORT: Kihei Pedestrian Stuck 2 Hours Inside Roundabout Center

A man walking to Safeway in Kihei on Tuesday got crossed up in that nearby roundabout and ended up walking into the center of the traffic contraption ~ where he then remained stuck for 2 hours.

Darren Cunningham, 44, of Kihei said all the crosswalks and spinning cars there at the intersection of Piikea Avenue and Liloa Street confused him to a point where he didn’t trust those buttons you push to flash the little lights to ask drivers to yield.

So to get a better angle and figure out how to get to the Piilani Village Shopping Center, he snuck across traffic to the interior of the circular center.

“I had no idea so many cars go round and round and round constantly here,” Cunningham told a news reporter after the ordeal ended around noon. “It was mesmerizing. Before I knew it, I couldn’t seem to find an opening between the circling cars, and got scared. Don’t those people get dizzy? I did, just watching them circle by.”

For updates, subscribe to our free newsletter!

Employees in a nearby bank looked out their window and noticed a large man with a beard in a red shirt waving his arms frantically and jumping up and down.

“It looked like he was doing jumping jacks, to be honest,” said Elizabeth Johannsen, a bank teller who ultimately called 911 for assistance. “But once you got close you could tell this was not a person who would work out in the middle of a roundabout, and you could see the terror on his face.”

“And no cars would stop!” exclaimed her co-worker, Janice Hoopapa of Paia. “It looked like the drivers were doing things on purpose to hold that poor man stranded there. Some honked horns, and I saw one woman wave to him!”

Eventually, with great urging from some bank employees yelling across the way, Cunningham looked both ways before sprinting to safety on the outer ring.

There, on a grassy parkway off the street, Cunningham collapsed, until passersby were able to revive him with a cold Steel Reserve beer.

“Now I know how the pioneers felt when they had to circle the wagons,” Cunningham said. “Except instead of attacking marauders, I had to deal with careless drivers.”

Maui police said no citations would be issued since Cunningham got confused and lost by accident. Cunningham was taken to Maui Memorial Medical Center, where he was treated for dehydration and joint pain.

The whole emergency was eerily similar to a traffic situation last February where a Portland woman could not figure out how to exit the roundabout and ended up circling for 4 hours.

The woman’s car entered the roundabout around 11 a.m., and it wasn’t until she ran out of fuel at 3 p.m. that she was able to let her vehicle roll to the side of the circle and turn on her hazard lights.

Neighbors living near the roundabout have a name for drivers who can’t seem to escape the roundabout: “Circle Trappers.” But, they said, they had yet to see a pedestrian caught in the middle.

“Now I figured out why they put a little circle of grass in the center,” said Joe Schoen of Kihei. “For situations just like this, in case that person needed to lie down and rest.”

“Then he could have just waited until it was dark after rush hour and snuck out,” said Schoen’s companion, Jessica Whately, also of Kihei. “Maybe they should put a cot in the middle or something.”

Back in February, the Portland woman was eventually transported to Maui Memorial Medical Center, where she was treated for dehydration.

Police and residents on Tuesday were perplexed about the roundabout’s most recent victim.

“I don’t know what it is with this roundabout, but it seems to suck people in like a little black hole, and then frazzles their brains so they can’t calmly figure out how to take the next turnout,” said Officer Bobby McGillicuddy of MPD. "Now we have pedestrians confused by all the crosswalk stripes and flashing warning lights."

Officials said traffic at the Piilani center roundabout is particularly heavy now due to all the construction on Piilani Highway (31) to build a new, huge roundabout near a new high school also under construction.

Motorists are trying to avoid the construction zone and the weirdly narrow and zigzagging temporary lanes there, so they exit onto streets like Piilani for access to South Kihei Road and sanity, said traffic engineer Henry Doolittle of the Hawaii Department of Transportation.

The new double-laned big roundabout on the highway next to a high school where teenagers will frequently walk should alleviate the narrow, crooked temporary lanes situation, Doolittle said.

Local patrol officers say they can’t wait to get to try their hand at managing traffic flow and congestion around the gigantic new roundabout.

“Once that’s open it ought to be, um, er, interesting to watch,” said officer McGillicuddy. “I foresee a need for lots of OT.”

Editor's Note: This is a satire article. Please do not cross traffic to occupy the centers of traffic circles.